the moment for which we've all been waiting

I got an email earlier today--one that I have been anticipating for 357 days.  I wanted to share the exciting news it brought first with you faithful, imaginary readers as you've been with me all this time, waiting patiently, offering encouragement, and keeping this dream alive.  The email was everything that I had imagined it could be.  Funny, emotional, full of hope . . . funny.  I always knew it would be funny.  I'll admit that I opened it with a fair amount of skepticism.  It couldn't be what it appeared, but as I read, I couldn't control my giddiness, that hiccup of amazed laughter.  It was a perfect moment, but I'm glad no one was around to witness me dorking out live.

I'm explaining this badly, aren't I?  Pardon my lack of coherence.  I expect I'll be flustered by this for a while yet.  The specific contents of the email are too special, too private to share here, even with my loyal blog friends, but here's what I will tell you.  The email was from him.  FHDM, the soulmate himself.  I've given up on being surprised by the hows and whys of people finding my writings here and responding to them after last year's HGTV nod, but I'm still amazed that the drivel infrequently poured out here caught the notice of FHDM.  And maybe he was just being nice, but he's kind of a fan--enough of a fan that he'd like to meet.  Yes, you read that correctly.  This is how our story begins--and you were here to see it happen.  I'm nervous and scared and excited and beside myself.

Only today could a post like this be possible.

is this our meet cute?

My first post back after a longer absence than I intended was supposed to be all about the perfect weekend I just spent with my moma and the Popster.  I'm sort of pleased to have a new, more immediate blogging need crop up (though I'll get back to my moma, the Popster, and perfection one day soon).

About forty-five minutes from the end of my drive home tonight, I got a text from my blogging brother saying the first thing I had to do upon arriving home was read FHDM's latest blog post.  (Yes, I read the text while driving.  I'm sorry.)  I couldn't imagine anything short of an engagement announcement would create such an immediate need, so I was in a bit of a wondering state for the last leg of my drive, but it very handily kept me more awake and alert than my recent audio-book-love revival could.

I was relieved and excited to discover that the post, rather than dashing my future marital prospects, gave me an opportunity to win a copy of one of FHDM's books.  My first thought was that I already owned that book and that I might be too sleepy to post something just to get a free book.  My second thought was that receiving gifts is not my love language so it wouldn't really matter if FHDM gave me a book for free, but it's FHDM we're talking about here, imaginary readers.  I'm pretty sure any respectable soulmate would never allow fatigue or a mild obsession with love languages to stand in the way of future happiness, so here I am posting a video and providing an amazon link to the freshly released paperback version of the only of FHDM's books that I haven't read.  Never mind that I already own a hardback copy.  Never mind that I've owned said copy for more than a year and still not read it.

Maybe I'll give my copy away.  Maybe I'll keep the paperback for sentimental reasons and let someone have my very unused hardback.  I secretly prefer paperbacks anyway.  Maybe I'll take so long getting the video embedded and correcting my spelling mistakes that I won't be among the first thirty anyway.  But in soulmate affairs (no, not that kind of affair), one must always try.  So here goes:


What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.

I'd also like to add that my admiration for FHDM (obviously) goes much deeper than the physical, but I do think he's kind of adorable in this video.  He has crinkly eyes, and I love that about him.  I'd still want to be his FWES without the eye crinkles, but I'm considering them the icing on the cake.

soulmates #3

It's been common knowledge around these parts for a while now that I've found my soulmate, but it has been a while since I shared one of the many reasons that FHDM and I belong together.  Let's fix that today, shall we?

Over at FHDM's blog, he averages 50-100 comments on most of his posts. It's a good thing I'm not competitive or the fact that his blog is slightly more popular than mine might derail us before we ever get started.  Lucky for both of us, my humility and lack of conceit and months of therapy have helped me come to terms with the fact that a best-selling author is going to get more blog traffic than a nobody from nowhere like me.

Anyway, early last week, FHDM wrote a post that garnered more than his usual amount of response.  In the post, titled "To Kill a Blog," FHDM explores the idea of no longer writing for the blog so that he can focus his talents on his books.  I, along with four hundred sixty-nine other fans, had something to say about that.  I only read a sampling of the comments, but most everyone was supportive in one way or another.  Two days later, FHDM posted a clarification, explaining that he hadn't meant to alarm anyone and was not going to immediately kill the blog.  He was just thinking out loud and trying to gain some perspective on what effects blogging was having on his other work. 

It reminded me, dear friends, of a post I did several months back in which I explored the unexpected challenges that had arisen in my blogging life.  The responses, though fewer in number than FHDM's, were of a similar nature.  Everyone loved me.  Everyone wanted me to be happy.  I shouldn't keep blogging if it made me miserable, but I should keep blogging because everyone loved me and my words so much.  Really good, affirming, encouraging remarks that made me feel completely guilty because I had never intended for anyone to think I was standing on a ledge about to hurl my blog to the unforgiving concrete below.  I didn't post a clarification exactly, but I did add a comment assuring the faithful that they were indeed stuck with me for a bit longer. 

It struck me, imaginary readers, how fortunate FHDM and I are to have this in common.  Well, perhaps it's not fortunate that we both seem to have been unclear enough in our original similarly-themed posts that we stirred up a misunderstanding.  But I felt blessed and humbled indeed that people cared enough to be concerned, and it seemed to me that FHDM experienced a similar blessing.  How encouraging to experience an outpouring of affection, an affirmation that the words that we're sending out here on the interweb are being received and enjoyed and occasionally treasured. 

Sometimes when I think about my future with FHDM, I wonder if the lack of commonality in our pasts will be a problem for us, so these moments of shared experience are important.  We are soulmates, after all.  I wonder how much longer I have to wait before he realizes that too.

why i did it

Starting about a month ago, FHDM has been regularly asking a favor of me. 

On September 16, he blogged that due to a lack of funding, Blue Like Jazz the movie wouldn't be getting made.  I thought this was sad.  Since I'd heard that it was going to become a movie, I've had mixed emotions about it, but having heard FHDM talk about it so much for the past several months that I've been following his blog, I knew it was important to him and to lots of people, and I was sorry that it wasn't going to happen.

Then a couple of guys decided that they wouldn't let it die--and that the fans of the book would want to help out.  They set up a page on Kickstarter to raise the bare minimum that would get the film made and asked people to help.  They and FHDM and the movie's director Steve Taylor set up all sort of rewards and incentives for giving at various levels.  FHDM blogged about the campaign to save the movie on September 29 and asked for my help.  So I did what any responsible soulmate would do.  I followed the link and looked at the details of the campaign, and I thought about it. 

I've said that I have mixed emotions about the movie.  Most of that is worry that a book I love that ranks as one of the most important in my life might not translate well to the silver screen.  I've seen many a beloved book ruined by a movie version.  I'm picky about things like that.  Additionally, while BLJ is a sort of memoir, it's still basically nonfiction exposition, not a story.  I know that the process of turning it into a story has been a huge part of FHDM's life for a few years now, but it still makes me nervous.

So while I didn't jump right on the bandwagon, I kept a close eye on the progress of the little movie that could, and I was impressed and proud when the project became fully funded in less than two weeks of fundraising.  People care about this movie and did something about it.  But they haven't stopped.  Those involved said that while the $125,000 initially set as the goal was the bare minimum needed, anything given over that amount would just go towards making the movie better. 

In the meantime, FHDM's blog has been updated regularly with videos of people involved saying thanks and tracking the progress as the numbers on kickstarter kept growing.  For the past week, I've been fairly certain that I wanted in.  I wanted to be a part of something that's never been done before, a movie that was funded by a few thousand fans.  I won't say I'm not still a bit nervous about the movie itself, but somewhere in this process, I became thoroughly convinced that it deserved a chance.  Story is a big deal to FHDM, pretty much everything he writes about these days is influenced by the idea of living a story, and I've been amazed at the story of how this movie came to be.  In a way, I think it raises the stakes for the movie to be something great.  So many people have supported this effort that it may be difficult for a movie to live up to all that expectation, but suddenly I just want it to succeed.

And with that in mind, I can tell you that I am now officially an investor in Blue Like Jazz.  And if you read this by midnight on Monday, imaginary reader, you can be too.  It's what any good soulmate would do.

soulmates #2

Friends of the blog will recall that I recently declared my intention to marry FHDM, just as soon as we meet (and fall in love).  The next day I embarked on a series enumerating my reasons which continues today.

Since I read Blue Like Jazz several years ago, I've known that FHDM is a funny guy.  And I've known for way longer than that, that I prefer to be around people who amuse me.  But when reading his blog last week, I realized why he's the perfect kind of funny.  FHDM wrote a post promoting a nation-wide yard sale fundraiser to raise money for The Mentoring Project (which is a totally worthy cause, and you should have a yard sale and give them the money).  Anyone who's read much by FHDM will know that the mentoring concept and helping the fatherless is near and dear to his heart, but the post is hilarious and full of irreverence.  I know that irreverent humor makes some people uncomfortable, but it's my bread and butter.

A couple of years ago, my friend Mo, who has a deeply tender heart and is an innate people pleaser, was called to task by the guy she was dating at that time for mildly poking fun at him.  The situation was ridiculous.  Clearly the guy had some major sensitivity issues because he proceeded to try and make my friend feel horrible for it.  Apparently, in his family they don't "make jokes about things that might be true."  Luckily, she's now happily and newly married to someone who will make a joke at just about anything.  But in our little group of friends, "making jokes about things that might be true" became one of our standard bits--because it's exactly the kind of people we are.  And I don't think it's a flaw for us to be those people.  Our jokes and teasing and calling each other on stuff is a byproduct of close relationships and appreciation for each other.  It's cliche, but we kid because we love. 

A couple years prior to that incident, my friend Martha made this precious, heartfelt statement to me and a couple of other friends.  She was talking about the nature of our long friendship and how though other friends may have come in and out of her life, we were core.  It was sweet and emotional, and Martha may or may not have teared up, and I mocked it.  Or at least that's how everyone remembers it and retells the story.  I'm the girl that mocked core. 

Saying inappropriate or at least inappropriately timed things to get a laugh is my default setting.  Mocking, as it turns out, is my love language.  It's not necessarily a good thing, but by and large, it works for me.  And I'm not trying to imply that FHDM is the horrible person that I am, but you can't read some of his writing without getting the idea that it's okay to laugh sometimes, especially at situations that aren't laughable.

It just struck me today that FHDM and I are both the kind of people who make jokes about things that might be true.  And I figure when people like that find each other, they ought to stick together.

soulmates #1

So far no one thinks I'm crazy for wanting to marry FHDM though we've never met, but it did occur to me that people might assume that I was making the decision to marry him lightly or in haste.  I only gave that one reason, and though plain-speaking is quite high on my list of admirable traits in others, it is perhaps not enough, by itself to cement a lifelong relationship.  I didn't want you to think I don't have many reasons, imaginary readers.  I'm starting the "soulmates" series today so you can feel just as confident as I in my choice.  Also once FHDM starts reading my blog, he can see the proof that we should be together and most of the work will already be done.  I kind of need him to be on board for this to work out, especially because I don't want to live in Portland.  I need for him to like me enough to move cross-country for me.  (Are you reading this, FHDM?  I'm not saying we have to live in Little Rock, but something in the Central Time Zone would be preferable.  We can talk about it.)  

Today I was reading stuff that FHDM had written on his blog back in 2008 because reading archived blog posts completes me, and I feel it's important for me to get to know FHDM if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.  And in this post dated December 9, 2008, FHDM reveals that he played the tuba in high school.  Maybe I knew this already.  Maybe he's mentioned it in one of his books, but I definitely didn't remember until today.  Maybe it was an insignificant detail before I knew we were going to get married, but now in light of our soulmate-ness, it certainly falls under the category of big freakin' deal.

Because, dear friends, I played the tuba in high school.

Let that sink in for a minute . . .

Is your mind blown?

I'll be back with more later, but I really think today's post makes my point for me.

Love and stuff,
the future Mrs. FHDM