Tuesday, April 20, 2010

soulmates #2

Friends of the blog will recall that I recently declared my intention to marry FHDM, just as soon as we meet (and fall in love).  The next day I embarked on a series enumerating my reasons which continues today.

Since I read Blue Like Jazz several years ago, I've known that FHDM is a funny guy.  And I've known for way longer than that, that I prefer to be around people who amuse me.  But when reading his blog last week, I realized why he's the perfect kind of funny.  FHDM wrote a post promoting a nation-wide yard sale fundraiser to raise money for The Mentoring Project (which is a totally worthy cause, and you should have a yard sale and give them the money).  Anyone who's read much by FHDM will know that the mentoring concept and helping the fatherless is near and dear to his heart, but the post is hilarious and full of irreverence.  I know that irreverent humor makes some people uncomfortable, but it's my bread and butter.

A couple of years ago, my friend Mo, who has a deeply tender heart and is an innate people pleaser, was called to task by the guy she was dating at that time for mildly poking fun at him.  The situation was ridiculous.  Clearly the guy had some major sensitivity issues because he proceeded to try and make my friend feel horrible for it.  Apparently, in his family they don't "make jokes about things that might be true."  Luckily, she's now happily and newly married to someone who will make a joke at just about anything.  But in our little group of friends, "making jokes about things that might be true" became one of our standard bits--because it's exactly the kind of people we are.  And I don't think it's a flaw for us to be those people.  Our jokes and teasing and calling each other on stuff is a byproduct of close relationships and appreciation for each other.  It's cliche, but we kid because we love. 

A couple years prior to that incident, my friend Martha made this precious, heartfelt statement to me and a couple of other friends.  She was talking about the nature of our long friendship and how though other friends may have come in and out of her life, we were core.  It was sweet and emotional, and Martha may or may not have teared up, and I mocked it.  Or at least that's how everyone remembers it and retells the story.  I'm the girl that mocked core. 

Saying inappropriate or at least inappropriately timed things to get a laugh is my default setting.  Mocking, as it turns out, is my love language.  It's not necessarily a good thing, but by and large, it works for me.  And I'm not trying to imply that FHDM is the horrible person that I am, but you can't read some of his writing without getting the idea that it's okay to laugh sometimes, especially at situations that aren't laughable.

It just struck me today that FHDM and I are both the kind of people who make jokes about things that might be true.  And I figure when people like that find each other, they ought to stick together.


  1. From my viewpoint,humor is a gentle way to acknowledge human frailty. Mocking one another is a way of saying I’m not okay, and you are not okay, but that’s okay because we love each other despite our frailities.

    You are not a horrible person just a person with more words in her head than she can strictly handle. Your peeps know they can count on you to be one of their most loyal and caring friends. That is the true language of love that shines thru your mocking.


  2. Hey--it works for Will and me! I rarely love him more than when he is cracking me up with a cascade of inappropriate sarcastic remarks.

  3. V and I had this discussion one time about what the root and the motive of being mean to our friends was. He said that he thinks it's a kind of game that we all play together where the best jokes are ones that require intimate knowledge or that allude to some obscure event from the relationship in the past. By remembering and acknowledging things about each other that others don't know or would be afraid to say, we actually affirm the other person even as we mock them. Of course, sometimes I have to cry for aw while before I remember that V only said those awful things because he loves me...

    Once our largest cousin was dating a girl who told Jeff that if you said something in a room with 100 people and 99 laughed but one got his/her feelings hurt then you shouldn't have said it. I thought that was one of the most selfish things I'd ever heard in my life. Why would somebody want to let their own sensitivity ruin the chance for 99 people to laugh?????

    Also, Don is funny for real! That big about never learning to count made me laugh a lot.

    Finally, why aren't you commenting on Don's blog so that he (or his readers) will click on your name and discover your blog. The clock is ticking baby, and you need to get this wedding going.

    Sorry about the bad language at the end of the video. I couldn't find a shorter clip of the scene. You may want to turn it off at the two minute mark to avoid offending your ears.
    Naturally, you'll all follow the link now, and my mother will probably be completely offended. I've warned you though, so it's your fault and not mine if your virgin ears are sullied.

  4. And that's why I've been sticking with you since... forever.

  5. Thanks for linking back to the birth of FHDM, and for believing that I'm worth it, imaginary though I may be. :)

  6. Classic Peeps stories, Classic Ellen-both wonderful just the way they are.

  7. El, your too sweet. Thanks for the kind words about me. Glad that something that was once hurtful has become something we can all laugh about.


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